Category: Personality Development

How to know if your Audience is Comfortable with You

When talking to someone, pay attention to their body language: it’s the best indicator of how they feel about you. Some of these are:

• Coat unbuttoned. When your coworker, boss, or business associate unbuttons their coat, it’s a sign they’re becoming more comfortable with you and are more open to what you have to say.
• Scratches top of head (or lean back and put hands on top of head). This usually means they are not comfortable with what you’re saying.
• Mirrors your body language. This means they are comfortable with you. For example, if you lean back or shift your weight from one leg to the other and your conversation partner mimics this action, then this means they are comfortable with you.
• Increased eye contact. The more the person looks at you, the more comfortable they are with you.

How to know if Your Audience Is Interested in What You’re Saying

Does this sound familiar? You’re in your boss’s office and you’ve been talking for about three minutes. Suddenly you get the feeling you’ve been talking to yourself. Here are tips to find out if the other person is really listening to you, or if they are distracted by something else.

• Increased eye blink indicates interest.
• Head tilted to either side shows the other person is not only listening to what you’re saying, but is actually processing the information. (If the person’s head is straight, they aren’t interested.)
• Hand to chin indicates the other person is forming opinions about what you’re saying and, therefore, is interested.
• Chin resting on knuckles shows that the other person is not opposed to what you’re saying, and is interested.
• Touching bridge of nose. Many times this indicates that the person you’re taking to wants more information.
• Takes glasses off and slowly places them on the table means they are no longer interested.
• Chin in palm of hand shows your audience is no longer interested.

How to know if Your Audience Is Annoyed with You

Any of the following can indicate that your conversation partner is less-than-pleased with you. Stay on the lookout for these clues:

• Looks over top of glasses. (Disapproves of you: doesn’t believe what you’re saying)
• Steeping of hands indicates they feel superior to you, and don’t think you are as intelligent as they are. (Steeping is placing your hands in front of you in a triangular form, with the tips of your fingers touching each other at the top.)
• Hand to the back of the neck shows, literally, that the other person thinks you’re a pain in the neck! After reading the lists above you might be thinking: “Hey, I sit and stand like that and it doesn’t mean I’m not comfortable or not interested, It just means that that particular position is the most comfortable for me.” Ah, yes. But why is that position the most comfortable for you at that given moment? Subconsciously, something may be bugging you.
• So, if you find yourself comfortable in one of the positions described, ask yourself “why am I more comfortable in that position?” and try to be aware of your positions in times of uncomfortable. You may discover otherwise

How to know If Your Audience Is being Less Than Truthful

Somebody may be saying all the right things, but there is often an involuntary body reflex of some sort that gives them away. Some of the most common signs that someone Is lying to you include:

Touches the side of their nose with their finger. If you remember watching Johnny Carson, you may also remember that after his monologue he would say. “We’ve got a great show for you this evening.” Some nights he meant it, some nights he didn’t. whenever he felt his show wasn’t going to be quite up to par-while he said, “we’ve got a great show for you tonight, folks, “he would touch the side of his nose. On nights when he truly believed he had a bang-up show, he wouldn’t touch his nose. Watch today’s late night comedians. See if you can pick out their body language clues that give away. (Hint: David Letterman is one of the easier ones.)

Hands-to-the-face movement. This is a gesture lawyers watch in trial witnesses to direct inconsistencies in their stories. Many lawyers coach their defendants to make sure their facial expressions are consistent with their words. They also coach their clients to not touch their face or rub their chin when asked a tough question.

It takes just a quick glance, maybe three seconds for someone to evaluate you when you meet for the first time. In this short time, the other person forms an opinion about you based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanor, your mannerisms, and you are dressed.

With every new encounter, you are evaluated and yet another person’s impression of you is formed. These first impression can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo, making those first encounters extremely important, for they set the tone for the all the relationships that follows. So, whether they are in your career or social life, it’s important to know how to create a good first impression. This article provides some useful tips to help do this. Much of what you need to do to make a good impression is common sense. But with a little extra thought and preparation, you can hone your intuitive style and make every first impression not just good but great.

Making a strong First Impression

Creating a powerful first impression sounds simple. However, the pressure of making a good impression, the very first time is intense. Changing the direction of the spotlight is one of the best ways of creating a positive first impression. No one likes the other person being the centre of attention so. Change the focus from “me” to “you”. Treat the other person as if he/she is the centre of the universe. This means that he/she should feel that he/she is the most important person. The conversation should be “them” centric rather than revolving around “us”. This works well for business relationships. Nobody wants to be with a self centered person. The more you are interested In others, the more eager they will be to meet you again.

There are times when you are aware that first impressions are important but do not know how to make the first impression. The following guidelines can be used to make a strong first impression.

Dress well for the occasion: Dressing right for the occasion is very important to create a good impression. There is a reason why you dress formally in a business environment. When you make no effort to dress up properly, you do not care about his/her opinion. In the business world today, dress standards have become much more relaxed. Fewer people are dressed formally. The emphasis is on wearing smart casuals. This means that emphasis in on “smart” and not on “casuals”. If in doubt while choosing a dress, it is better to be more conservative.

Greet and introduce: Greetings very depending upon the situations. For example in a formal greeting. One can say “Good morning, Ma’am”, “Good morning. Mr. Dhawan” or “Good morning, Mrs. Mehra.” In an informal greeting, one can say “Morning, Rahul”, “Morning, Tara” and in a casual meeting one can say “Hi Reena”, “Hi Philip”, The following guidelines are related to greetings and introductions:

• In the corporate world, use of first names is becoming quite common. Use the company culture as a guide to decide what form of greeting to use.
• Introduction should be made clearly so that the name is clearly audible.
• If you do not get the name initially, responding with “Could you please repeat your name for me?” is quite alright.
• Gentlemen should not introduce themselves as ‘Mr. Singh or Mr. Sharma’. However, women may use ‘Mrs. Singh’ or ‘Miss Sharma’ to introduce themselves, if they want to indicate whether they are married or single.
• Defense personnel who are either serving or retired should be addressed by their rank and surname. For example, “Good morning Colonel Mehta, it has been a pleasure meeting you”.
• When introducing a client to a colleague, the colleague should be introduced to the client. The general rule is that a client is the most important person in the room and therefore, regardless of the seniority of the colleague, they should be introduced to the client.
• It is quite possible that you forget the name of the person as you are making the introduction. Ideally, you should not feel intimidated. Rather than simply ignoring the person, take the situation head on and apologize to the person for forgetting his/her name, it is better to be accused of forgetfulness rather than for being rude.
• While introducing someone who is related to you, you must add, the relationship in the introduction. For example, “Mr. Dua, meet Usha, my nephew.”
• While introducing a new person to a group of people known to you, you must introduce each one by their name, such as meet Amy, Vijay, Payal and everyone meet Radha.
• You must note that ladies are introduced before gentlemen. Similarly, higher ranks should be introduced first and elders should be introduced prior to younger people.
• It can be a good idea to use informative introductions than plain names, such as meet Mr. Piyush jham our Marketing Manager for North India.
• It is recommended pronouncing names correctly and if you got the name right, its best to clarify, it is considered appropriate to introduce yourself if there is no one to introduce you. It is a sign of openness and confidence, if the other person asks you your name again, do not get offended, instead consider that the other person is honest enough to come and ask.

Introduce yourself effectively: Self-introduction plays an important role for a strong first impression for example, if you see a potential customer at a conference or at a seminar, you should be able to walk up to them and introduce yourself. You should start by saying “Excuse me! You do not know me, but my name is jack and I saw your article about economics in the paper popular Times” and carry on a conversation from there. If the person is in conversation with some other people, you can stand nearby, wait for a pause in the flow of conversation and then begin to talk.

Be on Time

The person you are meeting for the first time is not interested in your “good excuse” for running late. Plan to arrive a few minutes early. And allow flexibility for possible delays in traffic or taking a wrong turn. Arriving early is much better that arriving late, hands down, and is the first in creating a great first impression.

Be Yourself, Be at Ease

If you are feeling uncomfortable and on edge, this can make the other person ill at ease and that’s a sure way to create to wrong impression. If you are calm and confident, so the other person will feel more at ease, and so have a solid foundation for making that first impression a good one.

Present Yourself Appropriately

Of course physical appearance matters. The person you are meeting for the first time does not know you and your appearance is usually the first clue he or she has to go on. But it certainly does not mean you need to look like a model to create a strong and positive first impression (Unless you are interviewing with your local model agency, of course!) No. The key to a good impression is to present yourself appropriately. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the “picture” you first present says much about you to the person you are meeting. Is your appearance saying the right things to help create the right first impression?Start with the way you dress. What is the appropriate dress for the meeting or occasion? In a business setting. What is the appropriate business attire? Suit, blazer, casual? And ask yourself what the person you’ll be meeting is likely to wear- if your contact is in advertising or the music industry, a pinstripe business suit may not strike the right note! For business and social meetings, appropriate dress also varies between countries and cultures, so it’s something that you should pay particular attention to when in an unfamiliar setting or country. Make sure you know the traditions and norms. And what about your personal grooming? Clean and tidy appearance is appropriate for most business and social occasions. A good haircut or shave. Clean and tidy clothes. Neat and tidy make up. Make sure your grooming is appropriate and helps make you feel “ the part” Appropriate dressing and grooming help make a good first impression and also help you feel “ the part”, and so feel more calm and confident, add all of this up and you are well on your way to creating a good first impression.

A word about Individuality

The good news is you can usually create a good impression without total conformity or losing your individuality. Yes, to make a good first impression you do need to “fit in” to some degree. But it all goes back to being appropriate for the situation. If in aa business setting, wear appropriate business attire. It at a formal evening social event, wear appropriate evening attire. And express your individuality appropriately within that context.

A Winning smile!

“smile and the world smiles too. “so there’s nothing like a smile to create a good first impression. A warm and confident smile will put both you and the other person at ease. So smiling is a winner when it comes to great first impressions. But don’t go overboard with this-people who take this too far can seem insincere and smarmy, or can be seen to be “lightweights”.

Be open and Confident

When it comes to making the first impression, body language as well as appearance speaks much louder than words.Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance. Stand tall, smile (of course), make eye contact, great with a firm handshake. All of this well help you project confidence and encourage both you and the other person feel better at ease. Almost everyone gets a little nervous when meeting someone for the first time, which can lead to nervous habits or sweaty palms. By being aware of your nervous habits, you can try them in check. And controlling a nervous jitter or a nervous laugh will give you confidence and help the other person feel at ease.

Small Talk Goes A Long Way…

Conversations are based on verbal give and take, it may help you to prepare questions you have for the person you are meeting for the first time beforehand. Or, take a few minutes to learn something about the person you meet for the with a local charitable foundation? Is there anything that you know of that you have in common with the person you are meeting? If so, this can be a great way to open the conversation and to keep it flowing.

Be positive

Your attitude shows through in everything you do. Project a positive attitude, even in the face of criticism or in the case of nervousness. Strive to learn from your meeting and to contribute appropriately, maintaining as upbeat manner and a smile.

Be Courteous and Attentive

It goes without saying that good manners and polite, attentive and courteous behaviour help make a good first impression, in fact, anything less can ruin the one chance you have at making that impression. So be on your best behavior!One modern manner worth mentioning is “turn off your mobile phone”, what first impression will you create if you are already speaking to someone other than the person you are meeting for the first time? Your new acquaintance deserves 100% of your attention. Anything less and you’ll create a less than good first impression.

In a business environment, it is sometimes simpler to describe your role in the organisation rather than who you are. It helps people concept immediately and they do not need to stress on a reason to0 speak to you, you provide it to them. Public events such as seminars and conferences are meant to provide networking opportunities. People attend such seminar and conferences because they themselves want to meet more people. Your taking the initiative is not rude and if you choose to be shy and detached, you may end up as a loser.

Offer a firm handshake: The handshake is a university recognized way of acknowledging an introduction. A good handshake requires a firm grip of the other person’s hand. A firm handshake is the sign of character and a limp handshake signifies the lack of it. However, in our culture people may hesitate to shake hands firmly with the fear that it may appear to be aggressive. Suffice it to say that a firm handshake is never out of place.

It is also common to come across the idea that when meeting a women. It is acceptable to wait for her to extend her hand so that, she lets you know that it is all right to make contact. in India, often the women may avoid the handshake. However, a ‘Namaste’ or an equivalent greeting is just as good. In the workplace, where women are working alongside men, it is unlikely that a woman will take offence if a man extends his hand to her first.

Call by name: You should use a person’s name while conversing with him/her in a conversation. Personalizing an interaction by using a name repeatedly serves two purposes. It makes other person feel important and makes it easier to fix the name in one’s mind and remember if for the next time.

Listen attentively: Conversation needs help to keep it going. You can use the phrases such as “What happened after that?”, “And then?” or “That’s really interesting” to continue the conversation. These phrases encourage the speaker to keep going and signify that you are listening to him/her.

Sometimes, silence is best for carrying on the conversation. Giving strong non-verbal cues also shows that you are a good listener.

When talking to someone, ensure that you should be genuinely attentive. You may think that you are being very subtle but, the other person can always judge that.

Understand the other person’s point of view: It takes two people to have an argument and you do not need to be one of them. Having a disagreement with someone you have met for the first time almost makes it impossible to build any kind of rapport with that person. During the first interaction, you must focus on the other person and not on what is right or wrong according to you. If your objective of interaction is building a relationship, focus on that. If you hear something that is contrary to your belief and values, you should either keep quiet or simply clarify that you feel differently about the subject. It is certainly too early for you to correct other person based on your opinion. You should focus on the objective and let others present their point of view first. You can wait to establish some level of trust and familiarity before contradicting the other person’s statement. For example, you are interacting with a person for the first time and he has his views on school education system in India. If he decides to express them and you do not agree with them as you have a lot of information about school education, you should allow him to present his views. After he finishes his view points, you can comment regarding the topic and politely give the reasons for contradiction.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

According to Mayer and Solovey, Emotional Intelligence (EI), ‘is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions’.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.

According to Mayer and Solovey, EI subsumes inter-and intra-personal intelligences. Inter-personal intelligence is considered the ability to understand other people-what motivates them, how they work, and how to work cooperatively with them. Successful salespeople, politicians, teachers, clinicians, and religious leaders are all likely to be individuals with high degree of inter-personal intelligence. Intra-personal intelligence on the other hand is a correlative ability, turned inward. It is the capacity to form an accurate, veridical model of the self and to be able to use that to operate effectively.

In the analysis, Mayer and solovey have categorized the abilities that involve Emotional intelligence into five domains:

1. Self-awareness: observing yourself and recognizing a feeling as it is experienced.
2. Managing emotions: Handling feelings so that they are appropriate: realizing what is behind a feeling: finding ways to handle fears and anxieties, anger, and sadness.
3. Motivating oneself: channeling emotions in the service of a goal: emotional self-control: delaying gratification and stifling impulses.
4. Empathy: sensitivity to others’ feelings and concerns and taking their perspective: appreciating the differences in how people feel about things.
5. Handling relationships: managing emotions in others: social competence and social skills.

Why is Emotional intelligence important?

Social scientists are just beginning to uncover the relationship of EI to other phenomenon, such as leadership, group performance, inter-personal/social exchange, managing change, and conducting performance evaluations. According to Goleman, ‘Emotional intelligence, the skills that help people harmonize, should become increasingly valued as a workplace asset in the years to come.’

Emotional intelligence has four branches which are as follows:

1. Perceptions, Appraisal and Expression of Emotion

This includes the ability to identify emotion in our physical states, feelings, and thoughts: in people, designs, etcetera through language, sound, appearance, and behaviour. It also entails the ability to express emotions accurately, and to express needs related to those feelings, and discriminate between accurate and inaccurate, or honest and dishonest expressions of feeling.

2. Emotional facilitation of thinking

Emotions prioritize thinking by directing attention to important information. They are sufficiently vivid and available in that they can be generated as aids to judgment and feelings concerning memory. Emotional mood swings change the individual’s perspective from optimistic to pessimistic, encouraging consideration of multiple points of view. Also, emotional states deferentially encourage specific problem-solving approaches. For example, a state of happiness facilitates inductive reasoning and creatively.

3. Understanding and Analyzing Emotions

This includes the ability to label emotions and recognize relations between words and the emotions themselves and the ability to interpret meanings that emotions convey. Understanding complex feelings-simultaneous feelings of love and hate or blends such as awe-as well as recognizing likely transitions among emotions are an important part of Emotional intelligence.

4. Promoting Emotional and Intellectual Growth

The ability to stay open to feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant while reflectively engaging with or detaching from an emotion depending upon its judged utility. It also includes the ability to monitor emotions in relation to oneself and others, such as recognizing how clear, typical, influential or reasonable the emotions are. Promoting emotional and intellectual growth also entails managing emotions in oneself and others by moderating negative emotions and enhancing those that are pleasant, without repressing or exaggerating the information they may convey.

Measure of Emotional intelligence

The multifactor Emotional intelligence scale (MEIS(tm) is an ability test designed to measure the following branches of the emotional intelligence Ability Model of Mayer and Salovey:

1. Identifying Emotions-recognizing how you and those around you are feeling.
2. Using emotions-generating emotion, and then reason with this emotion.
3. Understanding Emotions-understanding complex emotions and emotional ‘chains’ how emotions transform from one stage to another.
4. Managing Emotions-managing emotions in you and in others.

Before we go into more detail, it must be explained what factors these ‘Four branches of mental ability’ consist of:

1. Emotional identification, perception and expression

• The ability to perceive and identify emotions through facial expression, tone of voice and body language.
• The capacity for self-awareness – being aware of your feelings as they occur.
• The capacity for emotional literacy – being able to label specific feelings in yourself and others: being able to discuss emotions and communicate clearly and directly.

2. Emotional facilitation of thought

• The ability to incorporate feelings into analysis, reasoning, problem solving and decision-making.
• The potential of your feelings to guide you to prioritize your thoughts.

3. Emotional understanding

• The ability to solve emotional problem.
• The ability to identify and understand the relationship between emotions, thoughts and behaviour, such as how thoughts can effect emotions or how emotions can affect thoughts, and how your emotions can influence your behaviour and that of others.
• The ability to understand the role of emotions in the survival of the species.

4. Emotional management

• The ability to take responsibility for your own emotions and happiness.
• The ability to transform negative emotions into positive learning and growing opportunities.
• The ability to help others identify and benefit from their emotions.

what is Emotional Quotient?

Everyone is born with a certain potential for emotional sensitivity, emotional memory, emotional processing and emotional learning ability. It is these four inborn components, which form core of one’s emotional intelligence.

This innate intelligence can either be developed or damaged by life experiences, particularly by the emotional lessons taught by parents, teachers, caregivers and family during childhood and adolescence. The impact of these lessons results in what we refer to as one’s level of Emotional Quotient (EQ). in other words, EQ represents a relative measure of the healthy or unhealthy development of the innate emotional intelligence in a person.

It is possible for a child with a high EI to develop a low EQ later in life because of damaging experiences. Conversely, it is also possible for a child with low EI to develop a moderately high EQ because of healthy emotional modeling and nurture. It is much easier to damage the development of a child with high EI, than to develop the EQ of a low EI child. This follows the principle that it is generally easier to destroy than create.

Experts say that an individual with a high EQ excels at four interrelated skills. These include the ability to persist and stay motivated in the face of frustration, control impulses and emotions as well as the ability to empathies with others.

‘EQ really is old wine in a new bottle. It’s about self-awareness and empathy, and those are skills any leader needs in building a successful organisation.’

The need for managerial EQ, in fact, has only intensified as structural changes have swept through the workplace. In the past, a boss could probably ignore the emotional lives of his employees-workers were in effect told to leave their emotions at home, and most complied. Not anymore. As organizations opt for a more team-based working environment, they ask employees for commitment and passion-to bring both their minds and hearts to the job. Therefore, they have to accept people binging to work, their emotions as well.

You cannot ignore emotions-not if you want your workers to be passionate about their jobs.

EQ is something every boss can use to get the troops working hard, smart and with commitment, so how high is your EQ? Although EQ-testing instruments have been flooding the marketplace, no formal measured have been scientifically validated.

To gauge EQ, experts advise us to ask ourselves these fundamental questions.

• Do you feel in control of your emotions?
• Do you lose your temper easily?
• Do you often say ‘I wish I hadn’t done that’?
• Are you puzzled by people’s reactions towards you?
• Are you taken by surprise a lot?
• Do you feel misunderstood?

More generally, do emotions present a mystery to you? The more your emotions are integrated into daily life, the higher your EQ is likely to be. But whether you score high or low, the good news is that we all can raise our EQ

What are the steps for Raising your EQ?

The initial requirement in raising your EQ is the desire to change. Step two is learning to reflect. You won’t have high EQ until you learn to reflect on what’s going on inside. And if you don’t know what’s going on inside you emotionally, you cannot know what’s going on inside others.

But don’t assume what you hear is immutable. You can change it. You can tell yourself something different-and that means you can change and regulate your moods. Therein lies the next step in an EQ-boosting regimen – emotional control. Emotional control is a key skill for successful leaders.

Look at this scenario as proof. You’ve just been turned down for a bank loan. Do employees take one look at you and say. ‘Uh-oh, it’s going to be a bad day around here.’? If they do, it detracts from your effectiveness as a leader. Of course, not all emotions should be hidden from your staff – that would be a regressive step. But when you can control which emotions you show, then you are that much polished a leader. Step four is practicing empathy. There’s no mystery about how to strengthen empathy. It boils down to practicing active listening skills, but it takes concentration. For instance, if an employee says, ‘That customer is picking on me,’ don’t just focus on the facts – delve into the underlying emotions. Is he sulking? Angry? Explore the subtext because there is likely to be one.        This probably won’t be easy in the beginning unless such dialogue is part of your nature. So expect stumbles at first, and trust that employees will read your sincerity and respond to it, despite the rough edges.

Some of the emotions you pick up may strike you as foolish – but do not lose patience because the last step in raising EQ is to validate the emotions of others. That means acknowledging their emotions, even if they are different than what you’d feel in the same situation.

This, however, doesn’t mean you need to surrender to all emotional displays. Many executives make that mistake. If an employee bursts into tears during a performance appraisal, it’s all over for a lot of managers. Dismissing their breakdown as something trivial and advising them to forget about it is a big mistake. Be sensitive to others, but don’t let their emotions rule you.

Is that displaying low EQ? Not at all. Validating others’ emotions isn’t the same as catering those emotions.

Emotional intelligence, Emotional Enlightenment, and Business

Business has become, in the last half-century, the most powerful institution on the planet. The dominant institution in any society needs to take responsibility for the whole. Though we might be able to lead a productive life, even a ‘Successful’ life-if one defines success by the level of status. Education, or material worth-it is unlikely we will actually ever be happy unless we are very aware of our specific feelings. In fact, it is quite possible to be successful and miserable. It is easy to accept without question other people’s definition of success and happiness. But when we become more aware of our own true and unique feelings we are more likely to find individual happiness. This may be the essence of using our emotional intelligence.

Emotional Awareness, Sensitivity and Numbing

If we are emotionally sensitive we will feel things sooner than others will. If we have no emotional sensitivity, or if we have numbed ourselves from our feelings we won’t have any emotional awareness at all. Sensitive people living in abusive environments and insensitive cultures learn ways to numb themselves from their feelings because so many of their feelings are painful.

Managing Negative Emotions

It is important for us to be able to manage our negative emotions. The first step in that direction is identifying the feeling. Next, ask yourself if it is a healthy feeling. Having done that, then list your options and choose the one most likely to lead to your long-term happiness. After asking these first two questions, the next step is to ask what would help you feel better. Try and just focus on the answers, which are in your control.

Once you have found answers to these questions, ask yourself how want to feel. This helps you direct your thoughts in a positive direction.

The positive value of Negative feelings

Each negative feeling brings with it an opportunity for growth.

All of our so-called negative emotions have some positive value or the other. In the proper amount, each negative feeling helps us stay on course towards health and happiness. They do this by telling us when we are moving away from our goals. Our beliefs and our standards. If we had no fear, no regrets, no guilt, and no sadness, we would be little more than unfeeling, uncaring robots. But since we are human, we do have feelings, and the more human we are, the greater is our ability to experience feelings, positive as well as negative. Let’s see, then, what we can learn from a few common negative feelings.

1. Fear

In proper amounts, fear protects us from both psychological as well as physical danger. In excessive amounts, however, it paralyses us, or distorts our perception of reality. It is up to us to capture the positive value in fear without succumbing to its excesses. Your fear is excessive if it prevents you from experiencing the positive feelings in life, such as joy, intimacy, and fulfillment. Many of us have what can be called ‘irrational fears.’ They are irrational because they have little or no chance of actually occurring. They are still fears though and the mayer and salovey model of EI suggests that when our EI has been developing in a healthy way, our feelings guide us to what is important to think about. Even if something is ‘irrational’, it is still important to give it some thought to see why it is irrational.

We are almost always afraid of something. For our more ‘rational’ or realistic fears we use oru EI to help us generate and evaluate options, which will address our fears or other emotional concerns. Whenever we feel any negative feelings, it is useful to ask ourselves, ‘what am I afraid of?’. Specifically identifying the fear is the first step to addressing the feeling by either logic or action or both. Some of the ways various types of fear can actually help us are listed below. In each case, an extreme amount of the fear is unhealthy for us, but in moderation, our fears help us live a better life.

• The fear of losing control helps us take the steps necessary to regain a sense of control over our lives.
• The fear of failure helps us accomplish our goals and motivates us to prepare, organize, and persist till we have achieved them.
• The fear of being alone helps us reach compromises with others.
• The fear of the unknown helps us take reasonable precautions against needless risks.
• The fear of dependence helps us develop our own resources and become self-reliant.

2. Anger

In many ways, anger is an expression of fear.

Anger empowers us to control a threatening situation. We primarily use anger to protect our egos, not our physical safety. The emotionally smart person asks, ‘What is the threat that I perceive?’ typically, it is some psychological fear, which triggers our anger. That is why anger has been called a secondary emotion.

First, we are afraid, and then our anger flares up to protect us from impending loss. This fear occurs when one of our basic needs – the need for safety, for freedom, or for acceptance – is being threatened. We may also feel powerless or controlled. In these cases, anger empowers us to regain our sense of control over our lives.

Using a little emotional intelligence can help us understand why we feel threatened and deal with the threat in a much more productive way than just flying off the handle, something which often causes additional problems for us. Aristotle understood this when he said: ‘As with every emotion, anger has a lesson for us. It teaches us what we value, what we need, what we lack, what we believe, and what our insecurities are.One way to learn from anger is shown in the example below:

• Instead of saying, ‘She shouldn’t have done that. I can’t believe how irresponsible, insensitive, and inconsiderate she is!’, a more productive response would be, ‘Her actions have upset me a lot.’ Some of the other questions one needs to ask are:
• why does it bother me so much?
• What specifically am I feeling besides anger?
• What need do I have that is not being met?
• What principles do I feel have been violated?
• What response is in my best interest?

If we remain aware of our primary emotions when we are angry. We can decide what course of action to take in view of what our goals are. Simply being aware that we have multiple options and that it is in our control to pick the best one for us, helps soothe anger. This is where the balance between the upper brain and the lower brain comes in. high EQ suggests that we channel our anger in productive ways to help us achieve our goals rather than to sabotage them. Keeping our goals clearly in mind at all times helps us in accomplishing this.

3. Disappointment

More often than not disappointment is something that arises our of our expectations. It is based on how we think the world should be and how we think people should act. When things don’t go the way we expected them to, it might mean that our interpretation of reality was faulty. In other words, our expectations may have been unrealistic. A more intense form of disappointment is bitterness, which arises when we not only expect something, but also start to count on it or depend on it.

May people use the expression of disappointment as a way of laying a guilt trip on someone else. Consider the parent who tells the child,’ I am really disappointed in you.’ A smarter thing for the parent would be to let the feeling provide an opportunity to get to know the child better, as well as the circumstances surrounding the child’s life, and the way the child makes decisions based on his or her values, beliefs, and needs. The same idea applies to friends or romantic partners.

A more positive form of the same emotion is curiosity. Wondering about the causes for the disappointment opens the door to seeking knowledge, which helps us understand reality better. In other words, situation where we initially feel disappointed can lead to wisdom if we allow ourselves to learn from them.

4. Guilt

When you feel guilty, you are at war with yourself. You feel as though you have violated some internal standard. This is a good time to

The world ownership is derived from the world “Own” Which means having the right to something. Ownership means taking the responsibility of a task or an activity. There are two ways to look at ownership, it can be internality driven or externally driven. When you consider a task as your responsibility without being allotted by your seniors, you are considered to be internally driven in taking ownership of that particular task. On the other hand, when a responsibility is given as per your job function by your seniors and considered as the owner of that task or responsibility.

In any organization, there are various functions that complete the core objective of the organization for example, for a bank, the core objective is to grow by acquiring more and more customers and provide financial solutions to its customers. Different functional departments work towards achieving these core objectives. The sales department has the responsibility to acquire new customers. The marketing department conducts research to understand the changing preferences of customers and their profiles. Similarly, the human resource department ensures that the employees are given due training for their present and future jobs. It is the management’s responsibility to ensure that all efforts of these departments complement the objective of the organization.

Customer service function of any organization is the core deliverable and probably the most ambiguous function with no clear boundaries. What one customer perceives as an excellent service may be perceived as an average service by another customer. It becomes a subjective decision when handing exceptional situations or situations which are not a part of routine task. The service function gets handled by the customer care executives and they play a vital role in achieving high customer satisfaction scores.

Ownership in regard to customer service can be defined as the responsibility of the customer care executive by taking onus to find the desired solution to be customers’ concern and making a positive impression on the customer. Taking onus means that you take interest in customer’s query and make efforts to resolve it.

Factors impacting Ownership

Creating a lively work culture: Culture in an organization represents the unwritten norms, which are followed by all employees irrespective of the organizational hierarchy. For example, if existing employees take ownership of switching off lights and computers before leaving their workplaces, it will impact newly recruited staff and will also help in saving electricity.

Empowering employees: it involves the processes of giving power to employees who must use it in the interest of the organization. For example, many customers call the credit department of the bank to reverse the late payment charges. However, the bank gives that the customer care executive authority to wave off the late payment charges for customers who are not frequent late payers. Thus, it is a management belief that if you empower your front end executives, they will be able to give a faster turnaround of service. If organizations hold all decisions with not try to take ownership of queries. If you let employees take small decisions, it prepares them for bigger ones and they tend to own their decisions and responsibilities.

Motivating employees: motivation plays an important role in empowering employees to deliver on results in alignment with the organization’s goals. Taking ownership is like acting as if the organization is yours and act you get into, good or bad, reflects on your organization. You can consider a responsibility as your own if you are positively motivated. For example, a senior praises you for your efforts in front of other colleagues. This will motivate you and in future, you will be ready to take ownership and try to solve customers’ issue at your end.

Using technology: Increased use of technology and automation makes it possible for employees and customers to use it to their advantage. For example, a customer calls a mobile service provider for a complaint regarding poor signal strength and he/she gets a complaint number on the interactive voice response (IVR) itself. Thus, he/she gets a positive response an feels good that organization is taking ownership of his/her issue.

Imparting training and learning: while training is considered as the organizations’ responsibility, learning should be the responsibility of an employee. The training and learning helps employees to be more responsive to the customers query and keep them updated with the market changes. For example, a bank executive has been trained on the latest investment schemes that help in tax planning. If a customer comes to him and asks about a scheme related to tax planning, he will be able to take ownership of the customer’s concern and will be able to guide the customer with confidence.

Encouraging employee orientation: when organizations take ownership of employee’s interests, employees, in turn take interest in the growth of the competence and aspiration, creating work-life balance and treating them as human assets make employees feel wanted and they contribute their best in the growth of the organization. This helps employees identify their roles and responsibilities with the bigger goal of the organization and they feel empowered to take decisions that are in the interest of the organization. They consider themselves contributing towards the core objective of the organization. For example, an employee. It a customer with any complaint comes to him, he will take ownership of customer’s concern and will take initiative to resolve the issue rather than escalating it to seniors.

Extending ownership to customers: Happy customers become loyal to an organization. In future, even if a customer faces any problem, instead of creating chaos he/she will wait patently to get the issue resolved. For example, A multinational bank made a mistake of sending credit statement of customer A to customer B. When customer B received it, he found that the statement showed transactions which he had never made. Instead of creating an issue about the mistake, he points out the mistake to the customer care executive. Customer B could have also escalated the issue. However, he took the ownership of bank’s mistake and preferred to help the bank to correct it. Customer B, when asked why he opted for taking ownership, said that the bank always treated his problems as their own and worked out the best solution.

This is the way of reciprocating the ownership. It is like treating customers as partners.

Keeping employees informed: Generally, organizations keep their employees informed about what is happening in the organization. This helps in increasing the probability of employees making more favorable decisions. For example, an executive of a bank is aware of the internal changes happening in the bank such as opening of a new branch in Mumbai, Andheri (East). When a customer who resides in Andheri (East), comes to the executive in Andheri (West) branch, the executive can inform the customer about the new branch be opening in his/her locality.

Encouraging leadership: The organization must have leaders who drive ownership. These leaders communicate, set strategies, show direction and lead employees on how to take ownership and assess its impact. For example, a manager in a bank can motivate the employees to take ownership of customer’s issue.

Benefits of Ownership

There are innumerable tangible and intangible benefits of ownership with respect to work. The key benefits of taking ownership are:

Competitive advantage: Employees and customers of organization taking ownership have a competitive edge over other organization. By taking ownership the organization proves that it takes interest in providing solution to the customer’s problem.

Efficient processes: The business process are efficient when employees take ownership. This reflects in higher customer satisfaction scores and lower complaints.

Loyal customer base: Organizations with loyal customer base gets repeated business from the same set of customers for years. These customers introduce new customers and in a way,  actually contribute to the growth of the organization.

Efficiency: The employees make fewer mistakes when they own up process. They deliver quality service to customers and these customers add to the organization’s profit.

Personality analyzed is half the battle won: By understanding the types of personalities one can analyze his/her own personalities better by knowing which category their personality falls under and one can choose his/her career accordingly.

Different people have different kinds of personalities. Some are introverts and some are extroverts by nature and personality. Most of us just limit ourselves to being known by just this differentiation, but do we know that a person has many more layers of distinction even under these two universal types of personalities.

These are the broad categories of personality type:

A person is either primarily Extroverted or Introverted

When one talks to someone and makes a conversation and effort, she or he is being extraverted. When someone is reading or keeping to themselves, he or she is being introverted.

A person is either primarily Sensing or Intuitive

When someone is noticing a new dress on the window display, that person in sensing. When someone is thinking of a new idea or approach, they are intuiting.

A person is either primarily Thinking or Feeling

When someone does not buy a black and green coloured top, because she already has one of that colour combination, she is thinking. When that same girl goes out and feels the urge to buy something just because she likes it, she is feeling.

A person is either primarily Judging or Perceiving

When someone makes a plan for next week, they are being in the judging category of personality type. When that same someone is doing something on the spur of the moment, he or she is using perceiving at that point.

These are broad categories which further can be distinguished into sixteen types of personality, like- the duty fulfiller, the mechanic, the nurturer, the artist, the protector, the idealist, the scientist, the thinker, the doer, the guardian, the performer, the caregiver, the inspirer, the giver, the visionary, the executive. Which are the combinations and permutations of the below listed categories or umbrellas of personality types.

People who are very serious and quiet by nature and very responsible qualify as being the duty fulfillers. They have well developed powers of concentration. They are the ‘good people’. They are ISTJ.

There is ISTP called the mechanics. They are quiet, reserved and are always interested in how and why of the things around them. They have excellent mechanical skills.

There is ISFJ called the nurturer. They are kind, quiet, and conscientious. They put other people’s needs above theirs.

There are artists who are ISFP. They are quiet, serious and do not like conflicts. They have a great aesthetic appreciation for every form of art.

Protectors are INFJ. They are quietly forceful, original and sensitive. They are very intuitive about people and are concerned with their feelings.

There are INFP called the idealists. They are quiet, reflective, and idealistic. They are mentally quick and are able to see possibilities.

There are INTJ who are called the scientists. They are independent, original, analytical and determined. They have an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action.

You also have INTP which are called the thinkers. They are logical, original, and creative and can be very excited about theories and ideas. They are the absent minded professors.

There is the ESTP, called the doer. They are friendly, adaptable, and action-oriented. They are Doers as they are focused on immediate results.

There is also ESTJ called the guardian. They are practical, traditional and organized. They like to be in charge.

There is ESFP, called the performers. They are people oriented and fun loving. They love experiencing new things, they love life. They are likely to be the center of attention in a crowd.

There is ESFJ called the caregivers. They are warm hearted, popular and conscientious. They put other’s needs before theirs.

There is ENFP, called the inspirer. They inspire others with their own enthusiasm.

There is ENFJ called the giver. They are popular, sensitive and have outstanding people skills. They see everything from the human angle and dislike any impersonal analysis.

There is ENTP called the visionary. They are creative, resourceful and intellectually quick. They have an excellent ability to understand concepts and apply logic to find solutions.

There is in the last the ENTJ called the executive. They are assertive, outspoken and are driven to lead. The come up with solid solutions. They value knowledge, competence and are intolerant towards inefficiency or disorganization.

People have different personality types and it’s important for one to know our own type that we fall into.

Conflict is a condition where there is opposition, disagreement and/or antagonism between two or more people. This may be due to lack of communication, differences over certain issues and/or contradiction in ideas, beliefs and thoughts. People experience tensions, cold vibes, power struggle, strife etc when conflicts arise. Conflicts at workplace can hamper the progress of your work and in turn stunts the growth of the organization. Conflicts act as barriers to healthy organizational development. Sometimes, however, how hard we try; we end up with conflicting thoughts with team members. Therefore it is necessary to manage conflicts in a way such that it has minimum impact on our lives. Unresolved conflicts can be hazardous especially at work places. They can lead to inappropriate behavior such as avoidance, inability to work in teams, verbal assaults, and overall resentment. In worst cases, some of the employees in the organization become so hostile that they eventually have to quit their work and separate from the organization.

So how do you smartly manage conflicts? The biggest word is communication. Communicate your thoughts, ideas and beliefs openly but do not expect everyone to agree with you. Hence, be open to debate, discussion and differences. You must remember that this discussion is for the betterment of the project or the job assigned to you and your team members. Hence, do not get personal and avoid animosity with the person. Another point to remember is to control your anger. Use words like ‘I understand’, ‘I somewhat agree with you’, ‘what you are saying is fine but…,’ and then put forth your point. This will make things better and will lead to a healthy discussion avoiding any scope for conflicts.

Do not try to resolve conflicts over non-personal communication modes like e-mails, answering machine messages, and notes. At times, this can worsen the condition. Communicate in person or at least over the phone.

Listen to what the other person has to say. If you can listen and respond appropriately you will bring peace and solutions to the conflict easily. For example, you have a meeting with you team members and your boss over a new product launch and you have said that winter is the perfect time to launch the product but your colleague does not think so. Give him a chance to speak and politely ask him the reasons of why he or she thinks so and what the alternate strategies are then. If you agree to his/her point accept so humbly. If you do not agree, reason out the things why you do not agree and substantiate with examples. Ask for an opinion from other team members and let the head/boss decide.

Guidelines for Successful conflict resolving

1. Show respect

Success rests in accepting the other person despite difference is values, beliefs, educational experiences, ethnic backgrounds or perspectives, negotiation permits you to examine a problem from all sides, and to promote understanding and interest in the other person without necessarily agreeing to her or his viewpoint.

Taking time to listen and to ask questions makes it easier to learn more about someone’s perspectives. Considering different perspectives will increase the range and variety of possible solutions. Genuine interest in other people and in their contribution to finding solutions builds trust. Trust provides a foundation for continuing a relationship. A foundation of trust also eases future efforts to solve problems.

2. Recognize and define the problem

Each person begins with a clearly identified statement of what he or she wants and/or needs. Negotiations should identify not only Individual concerns, but also mutual concerns, perceptions and interests. From this process, a common ground for agreement between the individuals is sought. Selfish issues and goals are eliminated in favour of mutually acceptable goals. Problems are examined apart from the personalities involved. Blaming the other person is appropriate and destroys the co-operative nature of negotiation.

3. Seek a variety of solutions

More information about the problem may be needed before a solution can be decided upon. It may be helpful to examine other sources of information such as books, magazine articles and people who may familiar with the issue. Outside assistance may help you to overcome your own biases. Mediators can provide impartial assistance with the negotiation process.

Brainstorming is one way to gather many creative ideas rapidly. His process allows everyone to openly make suggestions without criticism. At this stage, every suggestion has value and is accepted. After all suggestions have been shared, they are reviewed determine whether they might coincide or overlap with each other. Negotiation then becomes a matter of choosing a solution to which one has an objection. Remember, personal goals should not take prioritize over shared goals.

4. Collaborate

Taking together doesn’t mean ‘giving up’ or ‘giving in’ to another  demands or goals. Two or more individuals can agree that agreement exists. However, they can also agree to put aside their frustration resentment and egos in favour or working together for solution to a common problem. All negotiated work is completed consensus. A negotiated solution is reached when everyone has put up something to gain common benefits.

5. Be reliable

It is important to follow through with negotiated agreements. The very work of negotiation implies a commitment toward whatever outcome has been decided. Developing a ‘plan of action’ that splits out who is going to do what, where, when and how is helpful. This plan is followed for a specified period of time, and then evaluated — the end of that time period. It may be necessary to change plans and goals along the way, depending on how well the first draft met the shared needs of the individuals involved. However, the success of any negotiated outcome depends on everyone’s cooperation and participation. Individuals become reliable and trustworthy partners as a result.

6. Preserve the relationship

In general, people will try to preserve valued relationships. Negotiation is a non-adversarial approach to resolving conflict in those relationships. There are no ‘good guys,’ ‘bad guys,’ or ‘winners losers.’ Negotiation is based on equality. No one wields more power or control than another. The individual’s ideas, attitudes, values —- objectives are recognized and respected as legitimate. Solutions as mutually agreed upon.

Some Illustrative Examples

The following examples illustrate some common situations that can lead to conflict and provides suggestions for resolving.

Example 1: parent-child conflict

It’s Friday, and Rahul and his mother are arguing once again about the teenager’s weekend curfew. Mrs kumar has grown increasing distressed by her son’s continuing resistance to the 11 p.m curfew she has set. Rahul insists that this is unfair. Both become so frustrated that they storm off to separate off to separate areas of the house to avoid each other and further conflict.

Effective approach: Compromise.

Mrs kumar has retreated to her room to calm down. It is time to discuss the issue of curfew with rahul directly. She is careful to listen to rahul and to give him time, attention and respect. He can express feelings without fear that his mother will ignore or reject them. Rahul admits that he had grown frustrated by his mother’s seeming lack of respect for him, causing his anger. Mrs kumar and rahul agree to an 11.30 p.m curfew. Rahul had asked for a midnight curfew, but settles for the additional half-hour. Mother and son have found a middle-ground solution that both can live with.

Example 2: Workplace conflict

Rajesh has been late for work several times in recent weeks. He has failed to turn in several important project outlines on time without explanation or apology, annoying his employees. Until recently, Rajesh’s attendance and performance at work had been consistent, motivated, and highly productive. Rajesh’s recent behaviour has been so uncharacteristic that his employer decides to confront him, demanding a meeting the next day.

Effective approach: Consensus.

At the meeting, Rajesh explains that he has been caring for his elderly father, who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. Attempting to maintain —- schedule at home and at work has proven difficult. Rajesh is concerned that he will lose his job. Rajesh’s employer reassures him that his job is not in jeopardy. However, alternative and more flexible scheduling must be considered to resolve family-work conflicts. A consensus is sought.

The employer values Rajesh’s training and experience, and Rajesh values his job and his employer’s understanding. Both are willing to discuss options and to try out alternatives that best serve mutual needs.

Example 3: Marital conflict

Ranjana and Narendra have the ‘perfect’ marriage, two children and a lovely home. Both work in professions that provide personal satisfaction as well as a comfortable secure income. They have ‘made it.’ And they are miserable. Work and family roles have left then with little time to spend together and have increased their areas of disagreement. Ranjana and Narendra have become focused on meeting their own needs with little regard for the needs of the other. Resentment, dissatisfaction and conflict are all they seem to share any longer.

Effective approach: Mediation.

Intimate relationships can become battlegrounds of unresolved issues. Complaints and unrealistic expectations. Ranjana and Narendra marriage is one that is stuck and in serious trouble. They are unable to step back and view their problems retionally. Both have acknowledged their inability to resolve any of the multiple problems facing them. Ranjana and Narendra decide to seek the assistance of a family mediator.

Licensed family mediators are trained to provide impartial halp is defining the problems and to assist in the problem-solving process mediators and counselors both provide additional information and resources to individuals in difficult relationships.

Mediation has proven successful in relationships that have repeated difficult-to-solve problems. Ranjana and Narendra’s marital problems are not unusual. For that reason, family mediation services are being used more often as an alternative to counseling and/or legal services.

Summary so far…

• Recognize the value of a relationship and have a mutual desire to continue it.
• Participate actively in the process.
• Show consideration and acceptance of each other’s perspectives, values, beliefs and goals.
• Separate personality from the issue involved.
• Work together to develop a solution everyone can accept.

The definition of the word professional as per oxford English Dictionary is “An occupation in which an individual excels or professes to be skilled in and to follow it”

Professionalism encompasses the qualities, characters and conducts of particular professions. Professionalism is the demonstration of the attributes and standards that are established in that particular field. A professional attitude can be displayed in any field of Endeavour. When you demonstrate certain behavior repeatedly it confirms consistency and reflects the most likely behavior expected of you.

Some useful ideas on how you can build your image are:

• Elevator pitch: An excellent way to decide what you need to say the moment you meet someone for the first time or you have the opportunity to do so for a short time is to pretend that you have entered an elevator along with the person. What you can say that make an impact on that person in 30 seconds so that he/she not only remember you but want to meet you again. The important lesson is to plan it and leave out irrelevant details. It is important to give your name, otherwise how will he/she know who you are? The person is more interested in what you have to offer and your capability in providing it. Create a powerful opening statement that ‘hooks’ your conversation partner into a response.

• Clarity: preparing a speech is only half the battle, the other half is presenting it with impact. A great way to improve how you speak is to record yourself and listen to your own voice. You will immediately realize where you need to improve. Avoid useless words
• Correspondence and e-mail messages: Letters, proposals and e-mails are a large part of professional life these days.

When writing about sensitive issues. Always make it a rule to get someone else to read what you have written before sending it.

• Visiting cards: The purpose of a visiting card is to help the person know you. Make sure that your name, company’s name, designation, phone number, e-mail id and website are clearly visible on the card. Does Your Card Make Customers Want To Call You? Have you given them a REASON to call you? Often a free offer printed at the back of your card is reason enough.
• Courtesy: small gestures that show appreciation go a long way in nurturing a relationship. For example, a simple thank you at the end of a meeting serves to remind the person you are. Thank you should be said confidently.

Another powerful courtesy is remembering what people tell you.

General Etiquette-A good social behavior is defined as etiquette.

• Always be polite:
• Avoid swearing: is simply incorrect. In a professional environment. Swearing is clearly not acceptable.
• Control you volume: when talking on the phone or in company, keep a watch on the volume.
• Control your temper: The rules about being polite also apply when it comes to losing one’s temper. It is more powerful when you have your temper in control. You remain in control and maintain the respect of the other person.
• Avoid staring: Resist the temptation to give your undivided attention to something that is not your business. It is intimidating to the victim.
• Avoid spitting: At no public occasion, spitting is acceptable. The modern business environment does not condone spitting.

Office small Talk: Taboo Topics and Topics That Build Rapport

Did you know that 80 percent of your salary is based on your communication skills? That’s regardless of the industry you work in or your job title. Let’s face it, you can be the best software developer on the planet, but if you can’t communicate effectively with other people you will always stay at a certain level.

Communication Skills in Action

If you’re having trouble swallowing this, think for a moment about someone you work with (or have worked with in the past) who seems like an idiot when it comes to technical knowledge of the industry, but yet is in a very high position, say CEO. Now think about that person’s personality. Chances are, he or she is a pretty charismatic person. That’s called people skills. And that’s what people skills can do for any professional – get you noticed in a positive way and get you moving up that corporate ladder. If you’re not into moving up the corporate ladder, you may still need to take a good look at how well you communicate with others. People skills can help you get that raise, sell that product to that difficult customer, or simply help you get support from your coworkers when you need it.

Office Small Talk

First, there’s really no such thing as office small talk. Anything you say in the office makes a statement about you, your professionalism, or your personality. Office gossip falls into this category. But we’ll use the term “small talk” here to refer to light, not-stricly-business conversation conducted in a work setting.

You might be hoping to find a lengthy laundry list of taboo topics for office small talk. But no list would cover every situation. So, in lieu of the laundry list, here’s checklist you can use before you enter into any conversation topic in the office.

The Three-Point Checklist for Your Small Talk Topics

Instead of saying whatever pops into your head, run your comments through these fist:

Neutral and Non-Combative

Whatever you decide to talk about, make certain it won’t offend anyone. You may want to avoid topics pertaining to religion, politics, race, sex, office gossip, and vulgar jokes. And be careful about teasing anyone you work with. To you, it might seem funny: to others, it may come across as mean-spirited or even a form of harassment.

Relevant and Appropriate

Always make the first words you say relevant to the current situation or event. Small talk faux pas usually occurs while people are waiting for a meeting to start. If you’re at a status update meeting on a major project, it’s not the time to talk about your children or your hot date last night. While you don’t have to talk about big business, try to keep the topic of conversation general so that others may participate.

It’s Not All About You

Avoid talking too much about yourself. If you do, you run the risk of becoming known as self-absorded. Keep most of your comments and conversation focused on the other person.

Make Introductions Matter

When making introductions always present the lower-ranking person to the higher-ranking person. As an example: “Dr. Ben Bailey, this is joe Johnson, our draftsperson. “it’s also standard protocol to mention the higher-ranking person’s name first.

The terms “higher-ranking” and “lower-ranking” above refer to levels of title, position, or accomplishment. When introducing people of equal status, either can be presented first. Here are a few quick tips when you have to introduce someone else:

• Introduce a younger person to an older person.
• Introduce a coworker to a client or a worker from another company.
• Introduce a layperson to an official.
• Introduce anyone at a company event to the guest of honor.

How to Talk Intelligent on Any Business Topic

Let’s say it’s 8 a.m and you’ve just settled at your dest. You’re about to get the agenda ready for you boss’s upcoming meeting, when your boss passes by your desk and asks, “Did you take a bath in mutual funds? Man, the markets really crashed yesterday. “If you don’t play the market, have no idea what a mutual fund is, and don’t follow the financial news channels, you may find yourself nervously shuffling your feet, looking down and muttering, “Ah, well, er, no.”

That’s a though spot to be in, but there is a way out. Actually, there are several techniques you could use.

Immediately Try to Shift Back to a “You” Focus

When someone asks a question about a topic that you know little or nothing about, one successful strategy is to immediately shift the focus back to the other person by appealing to one of three things:

The other person’s Current Situation As it Relates to the Topic

In the example above about the mutual funds, you could respond with an empathetic, “Oh, sounds as if you did. Did you have a lot invested?”

The Other Person’s Opinion about the Topic

Again, from our mutual fund example you could say with a very interested tone, “It’s interesting you should bring that up. I’d like your take on the stability of the overall market, where do you think it’s going?”

True, in this example you’re dodging the question, and they may call you on it. Or, they may assume you took a bath and don’t want to talk about it. Either way, you’re keeping the conversation going.

The Other Person’s Experience or Expertise

You may prefer the more direct approach such as, “I didn’t invest in mutual funds, but I’d like to know more about them, what can you tell me about them?”

When you shift back to a “you’ focus – and especially when you appeal to someone’s expertise (whether they have real expertise or they just think they do), you’ll get them going into a commentary about their experiences, their opinions, or their involvement.

Ask Questions

As you’ve probably already assumed, this goes hand-in-hand with shifting the focus back to the other person. The easiest way to shift that focus back is to ask a question about their situation, their opinion, or their advice.

After you have redirected back to a “you” focus, listen very closely to the terminology used and what is said. In nearly any comment you can pick out a piece of information to ask another question about. Eventually, after you ask two of three questions, you’ll gain enough understanding on the topic to make an intelligent comment. That way, your conversation partner will perceive you as knowledge about the topic.

Fail-Safe Phrases to Win Trust and Goodwill in the office

Strangers, acquaintances, friends, and colleagues all use different language. Unfortunately, many people in the office use “stranger” language when talking with bosses and supervisors. Your goal is to talk to everyone in your office – whether peers or bosses – as if they trusted colleagues.

But how do you do that? Follow the tips below:

Use the Phrases and Words That Trusted Colleagues Use

Most people in offices use language that sends a message of distance. In other words, they use words and phrases that highlight the different between the two people. Some examples are:

Cliches

Strangers generally use clichés. Clichés are safe, non-threatening, and are usually meant as a filler. For instance, if you were talking about the internet economy, a cliché would be “The Internet is the place to be today, isn’t it?”

Facts

Acquaintances usually speak in “fact-ese.” Facts reinforce your mutual understanding of your topic, industry, or company.

Continuing with our internet economy example, a fact statement between acquaintances would be, “There are 1,543,333 active Web sites today, “or” 40 percent of holiday gift purchases were made online last year.”

Emotional Statement

Emotional statement are used between friends. They indicate a deeper bond than either strangers or acquaintances have. Friends feel safe making emotional statement to each other. Once again with our internet example, a comment from a friend may be, “I just love being able to do everything online!”

“We” Talk

“we” talk sets the stage for anticipated future event shared between two business colleagues. It may also refer to past events or current situations. With the internet example, a “we” statement could be, “We”ll have so much fun starting this new internet partnership, won’t we?” or “Our company will really grow fast once we get our online retail outlet going.”

Fast-Forwarding Rapport with “We”Talk

Using “we” talk is an excellent technique for fast-forwarding rapport so the other person thinks of you as a colleague. It’s simple to do! When you’re in a conversation with a person you’re meeting for the first time, look for opportunities to insert the word “We,” “Us,” or “Our” into the conversation. It will scramble the signal, and get the other person thinking you’re closer than you really are. This works especially well if you’re talking to a boss, the company CEO, or someone in a higher position within the company. Some examples:

• “We sure are in an exciting industry!”
• “That new anti-trust law sure caught us by surprise, didn’t it?”
• “We’re in for an exciting ride if the industry trends continue the way they are.”
• “Our greatest opportunities will come from support from the City Council.”
• “The new Better Internet Bureau certifications will help us establish credibility for our online operations.”

Don’t Forget to Maintain Your Non-Verbal Image

Just as you can first-forward rapport through your words, you can also fast forward rapport with your body language. The acronym PALS NOW will help you remember the body language tips that fast-forward rapport.

P = Proximity. Stand about an arm’s length from the person with whom you’re speaking. Research has shown this to be the most comfortable personal space area.

A = Animated. Does your body posture show animation and enthusiasm? Or, are you hunched over and slouching?

L = Lean in. if you lean in toward the person who is speaking to you, they will think you are hanging on their every word, and they will like you more quickly.

S = Smile. Remember to smile, when appropriate, while the other person is talking.

N= Nod. Nodding while the other person is speaking sends a visual cue that your’re listening to and comprehending what they’re saying.

O = Open body posture. Are your arms folded? Do you have hands in your pocket? If you are seated, are your legs crossed away from the other person? Keep an open and Welcoming body posture throughout the conversation.

W = watchful eyes. Maintain eye contact throughout the conversation.

Tone and Tempo: When to Slow it Down and When to Speed it Up

The sound of your voice may be less than music to the ear, and people have a tendency to assign a personality type to you based on the sound of your voice. Have you ever “met” Someone for the first time via telephone, then formed a mental picture of what the person looks like? Sure! We all have. It’s natural to do so. Your voice may sound fine to you, but not to others. Tape-record yourself – preferably during a conversation – to find out how you sound. You may be surprised.

Adjusting Your Tone to Fit the Person

Without completely abandoning your personality or your vocal uniqueness, it’s important to adjust your tone, speed, pitch, and volume based on your listener. In general, people like other people who are like themselves. A subliminal way to show the other person that you’re “like them” is to mirror (not mimic) their vocal patterns. For example, if the other person is speaking more slowly, with a lower voice, and you are typically a high-energy, fast-paced talker, you may want to bring your rate of a slow talker, you may want to crank it up a notch.

Sincerity Counts

The most important thing to remember when mirroring someone else’s tone is to be sincere. People can pick up on insincerity. The main point of this section is to bring to your attention  the importance of focusing on the speech patterns of the other person. Too often we’re so “me-focused” in conversations that we completely overlook the other person.